Where do we go from here...

Maybe we all have this problem, but sometimes I feel like I'm swelling up with so much potential that it kills me that I haven't done more with my life. I've literally tried and gotten bored out of my mind in EVERY SINGLE CLASS I've taken. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to say that I'm a misunderstood genius with nothing left to learn, but when you start a major or start in a new school, you have to understand that the basics need to come before the more extensive learning.

And I hate the basics.

It's probably because I've done the basics of most things already in my highschool and early college days that having to redo so much course work that I found boring the first time around stops me from caring. I don't have enough patience for it, none at all really. I've tried so hard to love my major, to see that as the direction I'm headed in life... and then BAM I hit a wall. I have a deep fear of these walls, and rather than breaking it down I head in a completely different direction.

I'm afraid of excelling, because I'm a debbie downer, and before I even get my feet off the ground I confince myself that I'd be better of just quitting before someone tells me that I can't do it. And lets be honest, I never really loved any of my majors enough to dedicate a degree to it. (And I'm also awful at doing homework...oops)

I'm 22 and slowly realizing that you can't stand around waiting for life to come find you, that's just not how life works. So I made a list of careers I'd be interested in working once out of college and came across 2 majors that I could give some dedication to.

Acting and Editing and Publishing

They are two very different roads in life, and both take a serious amount of dedication, preserverence and confidence. I'm lacking all those things in my life as it already is, you might say, but here's the thing, some of the majors I've done were just so easy, I didn't need to have those qualities because it was so easy to coast through. Acting would be an art that would never stop challenging me, and would be so far out of my comfort zone that I would have to rise to the occasion... and I will. Not because I believe that I have some talent that is yet to be discovered but because the idea of getting to be all kinds of different poeople is so tempting. Don't we all just want to leave our skins every once in a while and pretend to be someone else? I do. I want to be inspired and portray the inspiration, I want confidence and dedication to prove to all those who have been negative and hurtful that I really can be something. Editing and Publishing is also quite close to my heart, because the written word flows like music through burdens and anxiety. I would love to live my life reading books and analyzing them. It would thrill me.

I have so much to work out, and yet I feel a clock ticking right beside my ear, telling me to make up my mind and to pursue something before I once again scare myself out of it. If you asked me who had dissapointed me the most in this world, I would sadly answer "Me, I am my own worst enemy."

Well that's it for today, I'll keep you updated on my journey through the ups and downs of growing up with no plan